I think its fair to say that I was NOT a fan of motherhood in the first 14 weeks. Don't get me wrong; every time I looked at my wee boy I was overwhelmed with love. But I was also just, well, overwhelmed full stop. I think I might even be guilty of wishing some of my days away! But now, well, now it all feels like its going much too fast and my baby boy is pretty much growing up before my very eyes.
He's rolling now - its the cutest thing ever!! - and I have a very strong feeling that my non-sleeper is to become a sleeper, as with this new found talent comes tummy and side sleeping... and this little guy LOVES IT!!!! Once we get over the initial rolling around like a seal on its tummy, and mommy having to save arms and legs that are stuck out of the cot bars (that's the crib for all my wonderful American readers), he's off to noo-noo land and out cold. Earlier in the week, he slept for 3 hours straight in the afternoon. THREE HOURS!!! That's unheard of in the day if he's not using mommy as his mattress. I had a chance to sort out all his clothes (how is it possible that he'll soon be in 6-9 months stuff!!), do the dishes AND some blogging. Gosh, it got to the point where I was almost, well, bored, and wondering when he was going to wake up!! I am so not used to that anymore.
And then that night, after he found his groove, albeit across the cot so that I had to move him, he was out until midnight. Which is a bit earlier than usual but I never heard a peep again until just before 5 am that morning. That's right. 5am!!! There was no early morning feed, just straight through to 5am. Which is great, but also so so so sad because if I'm honest, I love breastfeeding my boy and getting cuddles in bed at night. Night times are my favourite, with both my loves all tucked up and sleeping. Ironically, it was night times that I hated the most in the beginning... they stretched out endlessly before me with sore nips, engorged boob and an unsettled baby. Sometimes in the early morning, I would just go outside and absorb the first rays of sun in quiet relief. Oh, life, you're such a fickle old thing!
Since MiniMr was very small, at around 5am or so, he becomes very unsettled and bucks around like a crazy person. So I started to bring him into bed with us. Initially, he slept with Mr because the smell of my milk would send him into a tailspin (and I avoided all unnecessary latching in those early days!). But as he got bigger, he started sleeping in my arms as, dare I admit, we both feel asleep breastfeeding. So that became the status quo. But over the last few days, I've started thinking that he might be getting too big for that now and is probably a lot more comfortable in his cot after a feed where he can stretch out. Mr kept saying to me that I do it because I love the cuddles, and I would vehemently defend myself and say that it's because I just want to sleep and this is what I need to do for us all to have that! But it turns out he might be right... I think I really do love the cuddles. I love to feel his warm 'n squishy little body wrapped around mine, chubby arms thrown out in complete trust that I'll always be there to hold him and never let him fall. Its utterly, utterly delicious and makes my heart swell so big, I fear it might burst.
Oh, I know there will be other, different cuddles but these cuddles now, while he's still so tiny and can be completely enveloped in my arms, will always be so very very special to me... and I'm sure just a few more (million) mornings like that won't hurt either of us!