Yes, that's where I've been.... instead of blogging, I was working on getting myself knocked up (with some help of course from the hubs!) so that I could have the dubious honour of saying I'd pushed something larger than my head (but thankfully a little more malleable) out of my wahoo. And then, surprise surprise - I HAD A BABY THAT I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR 24/7. As in all day, everyday, for every single minute.
And it's turned my life upside down!
'Ah, tell us something new!' I hear you yawn but its so incredibly true. This is the God honest truth.... YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE A MOTHER UNTIL YOU'RE ACTUALLY A MOTHER. And its RELENTLESS!
Yes, that was meant to all be in caps. And bolded.
It is bloody hard work. I'm a fully independent 36 year old woman that has lived away from home - as in more than a car ride - since I was 20 years old. And I cried for my mother like a little bitch, all the while trying desperately to keep it together on a mere few hours sleep and be a mom to this gorgeous wee little package that they'd let me leave hospital with and that fully owned my arse!
Now that I think about it... pretty much from the moment I saw those glorious blue lines confirming my pregnancy, the little man has owned me. I could no longer eat what I wanted to (summer without soft serve it just not the same), I had gross morning sickness - that should actually be called 'all-day sickness' - that made me feel like I was permanently hung over, up until about 18 weeks. And for the 1st time in my life, I knew what it felt like to NOT have an appetite but have to eat because I felt sooooo sick. And I could no longer drink tea.
Then that passes. Eventually. Although I couldn't drink tea again until after the birth.
And that's when I started having problems sleeping. I, who can pretty much sleep anywhere, anytime, would lie awake in bed for aaaaggggeeeesssssssss, just willing myself to GO TO SLEEP! I swear, even during the very worst of my anxiety a few years back, my sleep - thankfully - was unaffected. And here I was, as wide awake as a meerkat after a red bull. And that never got any better; my sleep was shit through my whole pregnancy. And now that I'm not pregnant... I still get none!
And then there was the weak bladder and - look away now if you're squeamish as this is definitely TMI - constant damp knickers! I near wet myself more than a few times after a cough or sneeze, once at the same time, so that when my waters broke, the 1st thing that came to mind was that I'd eventually done it and actually, literally pissed in my pants! But no, it was just my waters breaking 16 days early and on my last day of work. Luckily, it was 4.30am and I wasn't actually at work yet. But I did miss out on my morning tea and instead walked around at home like a leaky teapot for the rest of the day since I was one of only 10% of women whose waters break but don't go into labour. That fun started about 24 hours later and will need a post all of its own!
But I've survived those hideous, awful, disruptive, soul destroying, sob-a-mania first 14 weeks and come out on the other side without killing either of us. Go me!
And you know what; its such a cliche and I used to want to clock anyone in the mouth who told me that it would be... but it really is all worth it.
Although at this point, my gorgeous wee boy will be an only child.