Tuesday, November 12, 2013

I love poop...

© Paulbinet | Dreamstime Stock Photos &Stock Free Images
Well, actually, that's not true.... in fact, poop kinda grosses me out! It grosses me out so much that I don't think I could ever have any sort of pets because the idea of picking up their poop makes me feel ill. In fact, when I see dog walkers picking up their dog's poop in those little plastic bags and then TYING it to the dogs collar, I vomit a bit in my mouth. And while we're on that subject, isn't it a bit mean to tie the dog's poop that close to its head, which is the location of its nose?? Just wrong I tell you.

I'm also wholly unable to change the poop nappies of the small people in my life. And don't get me started on the toddlers... this bending over to have their little bums wiped after number twos elicits a serious gag reflex from me!!! I just CANNOT do it. I'm not even a huge fan of my own poop to be honest. I quite clearly remember being shocked when I watched a programme that said I should be checking it out before flushing for health purposes. No thank you. I'll just hope that there are other symptoms and warning signs to tip me off because eyeballing my poop WILL NOT BE HAPPENING!!

But then my wee boy arrived, and I became slightly obsessed with his poop. No amount of colour or volume seems to deter me and each one is looked over (studied??) before being disposed of. Strangely, it's his father that will not change his brown nappies... the very same man that once scrapped dog poop off his drunken brother's shoe with a twig!! (Yes, there is more to that story but that's all we need to make my point at this stage). And it seems I'm not alone in my new mother infatuation with copious websites available containing plenty of descriptive details, forums and pictures - yes, PICTURES - of what baby poop should look like.... all of which I've studied in detail. And let me tell you, when it comes to baby poop, there is a lot of variations of 'normal'.

You see, babies go through these stages....

-First, there's the meconium. This is black and tarry and lasts for the first few days. I can't really recall this stage in much detail as I was in such a daze.
-Then they move onto a very liquid, mustardy type poo that's a little seedy (this applies to  breastfed babies because, yup, you guessed it, bottle fed are totally different!). I remember these poops well; its hard not to when there's basically one in each and every nappy you change. Every 1-3 hours. All day. And all night. I especially remember the one that shot across our cream bedroom carpet like a well shook champagne bottle after a badly timed leg lift to wipe the precious backside of my newborn!!!!!!! That was fun at 1.30am. Not.
-And then you get to around 8 weeks or so and some babies (yes, only some, not all... and its totally normal!) start to go less. And less. And less. Apparently, if a baby is breastfed, its totally normal for some to NOT go for up to 2 weeks!!!! Now, I'm no expert... but that sounds NUTS!!!! Who eats and eats and eats and then doesn't poop. No. That just can't be comfortable. But, apparently  - 'totally normal'.

So, MiniMr got to around 8 or 9 weeks... and no more 'every nappy' poops. Weird thing was, he seemed to be pushing all the time. His favourite place to do this is on the breast. That's right, in effect, my son likes to poop while he's eating. Which is VERY amusing to watch as its a damned challenge for anyone, let alone a newborn whose still working things out, to SUCK and PUSH at the same time. And here's another interesting poo fact for you... its around this age that they have to start learning to push as it doesn't just sort of... well, drop out anymore like it used to I suppose. So they need to learn to push but relax their bums. One suggestion to teach them this mechanism is to massage their wee little backsides. As in literally their poophole. Mr's face when I told him this was priceless. He added something about it being good 21st birthday story fodder, and declared that he would under no circumstances be massaging his sons butthole. Ever. The other suggestion was a warm bath, with a warning to watch out when they come out. Crazy. Also, don't confuse delayed poos with constipation. Yes, easy error I know. But they are quite different.  

Anyway, long story short, MiniMr still does not go everyday. So when he does, its a good day in our house. I love poop days. More for me than him... he seems utterly unconcerned about it if he poos or not. Even after five days of working on a delivery that literally filled 2 nappies, 10 wet wipes and a plastic disposable bag. And I wasn't at home. Of course. But he pooped, and that's a good day. 

FYI - today was a good day too. Twice. 

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