The writing is the easy part compared to the self-doubt, research, more self-doubt, more research and NEVER ENDING EDITING! ....I-N-T-E-N-S-E!!!! I tell myself that it doesn't matter.... it really doesn't... do it and if it doesn't work out... I can either try again or let it go! But still, I feel the creeping hysteria crawl up from my belly into my throat and I almost want to let out a primal scream of distress. Like a maimed animal that isn't sure if it's leg is in fact caught in the trap or not.... But that is the thing about animals, it's all instinct and not feeling.
The other half keeps saying 'It's your book, do what you think it right!' but it is hard when you have no idea what is the 'right' thing to do. He reckons I have too many people with an opinion! The irony is that none of them have said anything bad... they all love, but when I receive the edits from the Grammar Nazi (with a lot more blue pen than any writer would ever like to see across their writing), I still get the shits. Some of the changes are so 'basic' I question if I have it in me at all to write if I don't know the basics! And how far do you take their suggestions before it's no longer your own story to tell.
I wish, I wish, I wish..... too much.
You know, just get on with it already ... or get the fuck out of the kitchen!