Gorgeous, lovely, wonderful, pretend trash....

Awwww..... you just have to love pure escapism TRASH! I do, although I have to mix it up so that it's not too predictable because the story lines don't really deviate from the base plan all that much - girl meets boy, boy or girl stuffs up, all good and love prevails. Awwwwwww..... and what could be wrong with that ideal?? So, what have I been busy with...

How to sleep with a Movie Star by Kristin Harmel

I read this book years ago and loved it (all my old fav's are coming out again) and I loved it this time again. It's just such a well loved cliche that 'ordinary girl' has some fancy pants super star fall in love with her. I think it's because at a base, we all think we're just ordinary gal's waiting for that prince charming to sweep us off our feet! But, as I'm sure we all know, there are a lot more of Tom's type out there than Cole's... but books like this make you keep hoping that maybe, just maybe.... fairytales do come true. Loved it.

Size 12 is not fat by Meg Cabot

Yay! My first Meg Cabot book.... and I quite enjoyed. It took me a few chapters to realise that Meg has a different writing style (good on ya!) to others and stays present tense a lot. You don't see much of that... but with her it definitely works. I like Heather, she's believable and one can relate... even though she was meant to be this huge pop star! It kind of makes the rest of us feel that we could have done it too if we'd been in the right place at the right time... and could sing! And I love how it's a detective story... that's a cool concept. It's that little bit different to the bog standard chick book, but easy to flow with. I may even read another at some point.

Again, just for the record, blogs are meant to be used REGULARLY!

Jaysus! I just am NOT getting this whole blog thing.... both my blogs languish, unused for months on end. Um, and you say you want to be a writer???? Hmmmmmm....

Well, quick update..... sort of

Sent out a barrage of query letters at the beginning of Jan. I focused mainly on email ones, so most went to the US. 17 to be precise.... and have heard back from 10. Two, although rejections have been favourites...

The first favourite (that was then demoted when 9 arrived) was rejection no 6. It said, "Although intrigued by your query, I didn't feel sufficient enough enthusiasm to ask for me at this stage." To be honest, I couldn't get past the 'intrigued' part because that meant I was on the right track! When I do get published, I'll send her a copy so that she finds out the end. I liked her response.... it was nice. And it was from a real person.

My favourite, favourite so far was Rejection no 9 (great number too... that was the one that got Stephenie Meyer a book deal!)... she said "Your passion for writing shines through, both in your query letter and your writing sample. Your prose is smart, snappy, and fun to read. However... " and that's when the rejection part came about it being too similar to a chicklit novel! There's that dirty, dirty word that still seems to sell and people still love to read.... but is dead, dead, dead! For rejection 9, I will always hold a special place in my heart! She even went to say that if I write something that is more firmly entrenched in the 'women's fiction' genre, she'd be happy to have a look. The problem with that is I love to write about lives I'll probably never lead... sparkly, dramatic, OTT and crazy.... do I hear CHICKLIT in that!

Two weeks ago, I posted another 5 (1 to US, 4 to UK) and emailed 5 more agents in UK. I've already had 2 rejections (one from a killer agent too...boo hoo) but I haven't heard from the one agent I'd really, really want... I'm waiting for your call - you know who you are!

So, that's where I am at.... still on the 2nd edit.... I think that I'm the only writer that gets a thrill from seeing the count go DOWN.... sitting on 127,000.... would really, really like it to be around 120,000... getting good at culling too!

So, that's where we are at with that.... really trying to keep the faith!

And what have I read???

It's really strange how my reading 'lusts' have changed. I blame that pesky 'panic attack' stage I went through (cue shudder at lack of life control) a few years back. I just don't get much joy out of reading, or watching, gut wrenching stuff anymore. I was never really a fan of dramas anyhow, even though I can list some of my favourite movies as being firmly in that genre, but I get so wrapped up in it and it becomes so real to me that I can't treat it as 'just' a story! Weird....especially since that's what I loved most about reading... becoming embroiled in other's journeys. It may also be that subconsciously, I took it on wholeheartedly when my osteopath said that I shouldn't be doing that anymore.... only happy, happy, happy stuff. (That subconscious habit of mine scares me shitless and happens a lot more than I like to admit.)

But... all that means I've discovered a new genre that I love - fantasy! That's probably due to the Twilight Saga (jealous, jealous, so very jealous at that little gem) and some of Meyer's other book suggestions but I'm so enjoying! I suppose in hindsight it's weird that I moved away from that since I loved the pretend so much when I was growing up (ah, Enid Blyton - I love you) but I just wanted to be grown up so badly I suppose. And chicklit, well, that gave me a taste of a world I would never be part of - the jet set! Oooohhhh, Jilly Cooper too! Drama, scandal, lust and love.... BRING IT ON!

Ok, I'm waffling... lets begin with what I've read:

The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards

Wow! Kim sure knows how to write.... but I only got as far as pg 149.... I just wasn't coping with how David's decision - doing what he thought was the right thing to do - would damage so many people's lives and that there was just no way that he could take it back. It made me sad... so I stopped reading. For those of you without these 'silly' issues, do read it! Everyone that I've borrowed it to has LOVED it and I'm sure you will too. I might even finish it at some stage.

The Host by Stephenie Meyer

Loved, loved, loved this book! I don't care what ANYONE says, Meyer can weave a story like nobody's business. I was wary of it at first, having read that it's a slow starter, blah, blah, blah... wasn't sure about the concept... blah, blah, blah.... but eventually I couldn't resist and got myself a copy. Thank goodness I did.... it was fab and I inhaled it! I was genuinely sad to leave their world - albeit a strange and restricted one - but so happy with the way it panned out. Especially since, for most of the book, I had no idea which way she was going to go.

The Dreamhunter by Elizabeth Knox

Hmmmm, not sure about this one. It was one that Meyer suggested (and loved) but I was more excited that Knox was a kiwi (The Vitner's Luck has just been made into a movie.... looks GREAT) and so couldn't resist. The premise is extraordinary, and the writing good, but it didn't enthrall me the way other books have. Not that I didn't finish it.... I had to find out where she was going with it all, and have already started The Dream Quake (the 2nd book) which has been the same..... just ok.... but I'm still reading.... so I suppose that's a good thing. If only to find out where it all ends up.

How to Famous by Alison Bond

Its the 2nd time I've read this book and really loved it. I like her writing, its good. And just to the sort of thing I love to read about - a life I'll never live or be part of. I'm waiting for her Ruby Valentine book to arrive....will keep you posted on my thoughts on that.

one fifth avenue by Candace Bushnell

Hmmmm.... its another one of those. I absolutely adore Sex and the City but when I tried to read the books, not so much. (In Bushnell's defense, I tried back in the 90's - the same time I tried to read Bridget Jones' Diary and hated. I returned to that later and loved... so maybe it would be the same with SATC). But, it was the same with this one, I didn't 'inhale', I just read it and tried to pick up some good tips for my own writing. It was ok but that was about it.

Home Truths by Freya North

I've been dying to get my hands on one of her books because she struggled to get published and has a pretty gutsy story on just how she did. But alas, as much as I love the person, the book - not so much. I couldn't even finish it! Sorry, Freya! Maybe it was just this one???

Deception Point by Dan Brown

Loved it! Like all his stuff, it grabs you by the balls and locks you in for the ride. But, I must say that he got slippery hands in the end and was sort of only holding onto one ball. But still a bloody good story, Mr Brown... looking forward to reading the next one that is currently out.

And what I'm currently reading:

The Dream Quake by Elizabeth Knox

Refer above.

The Partisan's Daughter by Louis de Bernieres

Confession first - I had to look up what partisan meant (blush)... so simple once you know. I adored Captain Corelli's Mandolin, like LOVED, LOVED. So I'm hoping this one is the same and a bit of a slow starter. I'm on pg 59 and I'm limping along with this one. de Bernieres's writing is great.... but I think it's the story I'm just not getting in to. But, I HATE not finishing a book and often force myself to go the distance even when I don't want to.... so we will see. I have been wanting to read it... jury is still out.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by JK Rowling

I'm just resting.... had too much HP in one go I think. Will get back to it eventually.

And on the non-fiction front...

Creative Journal Writing by Stephanie Dowrick

Really enjoying... only on pg 70 so I think that we are still laying down foundations and getting to the meaty stuff, but I like what she's trying to do. I'm a occasional journal writer and have been writing in the same book since 2004 (I did say occasional!) but this book is inspiring me to write more. And I also found out a few home truths when I paged back... and that I was harping on about the same shit! So that was an eye opener.... she recommends reading it from cover to cover and then going back again... which is what I'm doing. But, I can see the value I'm going to get from this. And since I love the whole pen, paper, writing thing... I'm just going to love it anyway.

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Creative Visualization by Shari L Just and Carolyn Flynn

I took this one out from the library... and am finding it super interesting. I'm a MASSIVE believer in the whole 'law of attraction' and 'thoughts become things' camp but still feel like I'm missing some vital piece of information that's holding me back from truely getting to grips with the concept. So, I'll just carry on reading, practising and giving it a damned good shot, and maybe I'll just 'create' that missing piece. Other books that I read over and over again are Louise Hay's 'You can heal your life' and 'The Power is within you'. Cool stuff in those too... but it's that whole 'what am I not getting here' that I haven't overcome. But I believe I will and that's enough as far as these babies are concerned.

Oh, and movies...

Avatar... ROCKED! Truely amazing!

Percy and the Lightening thief... save it for DVD night

Sherlock Holmes ... a must see, loved it!

It's Complicated.... very cute, especially if you're divorced (I'm not) & over 50 (I'm not) but still good. DVD might be the way to go though.

Have yet to see The Lovely Bones... and missed TT Wife! Bugger....

Ok, enough... I need to get back to my writing and my dreams!

Bxx

C'mon... let's get with the programme gang!

I think that I might actually have my query letter done! 

I knew that it would happen eventually, that everything would fall into to place... but holy hell, it has been more stressful than writing the whole book! And I have no idea how it will go either, but it feels good in my gut.. and that as much as I can ask from myself.  

So, I have my first wee list of agents that I am going to query and you know what stood out to me the most... that you can query almost every single agent in the USA with an email... in fact, some of them don't even accept 'snail mail' anymore. But in the UK, out of the whole list that I made, a grand total of 2 accept email queries and NOT EVEN ONE in Australia. 

That is nuts!!! 

I totally understand if you need to read a whole MS, then a paper submission makes complete sense but for the initial query... C'mon.... surely you get a feel within like the first, what, 10 pages if the book is making your waters move around in anticipation??? Just seems such a waste of resource and energy for everyone involved to not do email queries. 

Or do I just no idea and talking out of a whole in my head???

Hmmmm......

So, I think I am going to send it all this weekend.... I just have to put a synopsis together and we are ready to role on through to fame and fortune.... 'cause that's how it happens... yes?  

What I'm reading...

Giving Julie & Julia (Julie Powell) another bash... I am sure I bought more than a year ago, likely even more than that... but although I liked the concept, it never grabbed me and unusually for me, I didn't finish it. Of course, the movie is soon out and I ADORE reading the book and then seeing the movie... so, I'm trying again and seem to be enjoying. Weird how that happens... you don't like and then you do... bit like the HP books. 

And on that, have no finished the Goblet of Fire (JK Rowling - FYI, now has twitter))... loved the movie, was mesmerized. So wish that Peter Jackson suddenly took a liking to me and included me in all his future movie making undertakings. What an amazing thing to do.... take a book and make it into a movie. Love it! Sorry, mentioned that already.... but I really do, I love it! 

Am also on pg 26 of Great Expectations (Charles Dickens). I'm not a fan of olde school (though I really would love to be) but am impressed by his writing... like this piece...

'I had seen the damp lying outside of my little window, as if some goblin had been crying there all night, and using the window for a pocket-handkerchief.'

Isn't that lovely....  

Screaming... silently.....

Jaysus.... this is stressful! 

The writing is the easy part compared to the self-doubt, research, more self-doubt, more research and NEVER ENDING EDITING! ....I-N-T-E-N-S-E!!!! I tell myself that it doesn't matter.... it really doesn't... do it and if it doesn't work out... I can either try again or let it go! But still, I feel the creeping hysteria crawl up from my belly into my throat and I almost want to let out a primal scream of distress. Like a maimed animal that isn't sure if it's leg is in fact caught in the trap or not.... But that is the thing about animals, it's all instinct and not feeling. 

The other half keeps saying 'It's your book, do what you think it right!' but it is hard when you have no idea what is the 'right' thing to do. He reckons I have too many people with an opinion! The irony is that none of them have said anything bad... they all love, but when I receive the edits from the Grammar Nazi (with a lot more blue pen than any writer would ever like to see across their writing), I still get the shits. Some of the changes are so 'basic' I question if I have it in me at all to write if I don't know the basics! And how far do you take their suggestions before it's no longer your own story to tell.  

I wish, I wish, I wish..... too much. 

You know, just get on with it already ... or get the fuck out of the kitchen!  

So, you want to be a writer?

Apparently, yes.

But, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Rather, lets start at the best place - the beginning.

Basically, for no rhyme nor reason, I woke on an ordinary Sunday morning in December 2008, turned to my husband and declared.... 'I think I'm going to write a book.'
He is quite used to me going on tangents, smiled indulgently and went back to sleep.
This was a first for me though. I had never really thought of writing a book. Reading them, yes please. Writing them, hmmmm, not so much.
But I took my laptop out, placed it on the kitchen table and started to tap away... and before I knew it, I had been going for 5 hours straight.
I'd never been happier.
I was going to be a writer... wasn't I?

Writing soon became my obsession. Originally, I kept it to myself, scared that it might be a passing flight of fancy (I have had these before... refer husbands response above). But, I never waivered and every chance I got, I wrote.
I remember so clearly being overwhelmed when I reached 15,000 words.
15,000 words!
I remember when I reached 40,000 words.
40,000 words!
I was half way there.
I remember when I reached 80,000 words.... and there was still more to come, the story was not yet over, it was still pouring forth.
I was going to be a writer... wasn't I?

But could I write.
I thought so... but then I may be biased.
So, off I sent it to a girlfriend, she loved it. I almost cried when she told me.
For 31 years I wondered what my special God given talent was (apart from being highly amusing) ... what was I truly good at? Could this be it... could this be my thing?
Time to send it to my harshest critic, a blood tie - my sister... who is also an editor.
I still have the email from her... I look at it when I feel like I can't anymore, that I'm kidding myself, that I have as much talent as a chimpanzee with a pencil.
It says, 'Sis, I'm so proud of you... I'm popping the champagne already.'
Later, she said it needs work... bless her... but the bones were good.
I was going to be a writer... wasn't I?

And then, on 12 July 2009 at 9.20pm, I put the last word of the last chapter down. I had finished my book.
Holy fuck!
I had actually finished a whole, entire novel. With a beginning, middle and end. A full story.
And my husband was in bed, I was alone, it was a Sunday night in sleepy New Zealand.
The best I could do was post my achievement on Facebook.
I got a barrage of replies... I still have them.
So the book is finished.
I was going to be a writer... wasn't I?

I'm editing as we speak. It's slow. Really slow.
How did Stephanie Meyer bang out 'Twilight' in 6 months?
How, how, how?
She's a legend, that's how.
Amazing story... I am green with envy. But I doubt that I would have written that story down if I had dreamt it anyway. I probably would have thought, 'That was one freaky arsed dream' and moved on. So touche Stephanie, tou-frecken-che! I hope to meet you one day, have a yarn about it.

So, turns out that the writing part (which involves copious amounts of sweating, grinding your teeth, scratching your head, sore wrists and fingers, stiff buttocks, sleepless nights, trashing yourself, your novel and your talent, some crying, eating (too much) eating (some more), lots of tea, lots of coffee, irritation with yourself, your loved ones, your friends, bus drivers, motorists, that random guy in your building plus crippling self doubt) is the easy part.
Yes, the easy part!
It's getting published that's the bitch. The sort of bitch who is simultaneously pre-pubescent, pre-menstrual, sexually frustrated, menopausal and gagging for some chocolate. NOW!
Fun times it seems.
But, I was going to be a writer... wasn't I?

You know what.... I have no frecken idea.
Let's look at the stats for a minute.
We'll start with New Zealand (because i did)... we have a total of 5 (yes, as in singular) literary agents. In the whole country.
I tried 2... neither of which were taking on new clients.
The recession, you know.
But both were lovely.
One even gave me an analogy of literary agents being like a highway and writers the cars entering an on ramp... often there are just to many cars trying to get onto the highway. Which leaves congestion. And pollution. And bad feelings all round. (I ad libbed there a bit)
So now I am looking at the UK and USA...
And freaking out. I'm not even sure why.
Maybe because I really want to write and I am scared shitless that I'm not good enough. That my dream will be shattered into a million pieces and I will just be another nobody, aimlessly wondering through life, wondering if this is it. (Secretly, I think even if I was a famous writer, I would still feel that way... but at least I could write about it and bore others).
Or maybe it's because of the tiny, minute, almost non-existent percentage of writers a year that get picked up. Probably a combination.

But, god damn, I really want to be a writer.
A real one, the type that puts 'writer' on applications that ask for 'Occupation'.
I don't even have to be the next JK Rowling (although, that would be nice). Or the next Helen Fielding (not bad either). I just want to be able to write full time, say 'Call my agent' and have a kick arse, amazingly talented editor to guide me and give me advice. Make me an even better writer. It's not like I'm asking for world peace or the cure to cancer here.
I just want to be published, have plenty of guidance and maybe a book signing or three. With at least one interested person there who isn't lost. And looking for the toilets.

So, that is it.
My book is finished, I'm editing as we speak and I'm too scared to send a query letter.
A bit of a stalemate. But it has to get done.
And now that you are here, you will hold my hand, wipe my tears and make sure I do this.
Because, well, I am a writer and that's what we do.